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Who’s Packing The Wood

January 20, 2000

By Chris Wright
www.bostonphoenix.com

In his book Penis Size and Enlargement, Gary Griffin devotes a chapter to "Well-endowed celebrities" -- a who's who of penis size. Herein, a brief selection.

Actors
Warren Beatty. "Women who have enjoyed Beatty's amorous advances swear that he is hung like a donkey."

Milton Berle. It's "a well-established fact" that " `Uncle Miltie' is the King Cock of Hollywood."

Humphrey Bogart. "Sources claim that he sported a pendulously long cock."

Michael Caine. The British actor "is also known to be a talented lover hung in the 8" (20 cm) range."

Errol Flynn. "The late actor best-known for his salty swashbuckling roles delighted in exhibiting his manhood to close friends."

Harrison Ford. "A female reader . . . reports that the star of the Indiana Jones series, the Star Wars Trilogy, and the Fugitive is tremendously hung."

Cary Grant. "A former amanuensis of Cary Grant wrote to me, stating that . . . [Grant's] flaccid cock lied flat against his belly, almost reaching his navel. A size 8 (20 cm)."

Don Johnson. "One look at the phallus that made Miami Vice a prime-time staple and you can see why Melanie Griffith married him twice."

Steve Martin. "This `wild and crazy' guy has no need to be modest in the locker room. Steve allegedly sports a size 8 (20 cm)."

Steve McQueen. According to one of his lovers: "Like two Coors beer cans welded together."

Eddie Murphy. "Star of Beverly Hills Cop, Murphy is known to be very well hung -- probably in the 8-9" (20-22 cm) range."

Liam Neeson. "His reputation as a truly BIG star is now widely disseminated."

Musicians
David Cassidy. "With monster phallic genes inherited from dad Jack Cassidy, it was inevitable that son David would be a `chip off the old block.' "

Shaun Cassidy. "David isn't the only Cassidy boy with a lot to crow about. . . . A reader of an earlier edition of this book claims . . . `a good approximation of his size is 8" (20 cm) in circumference and 9-91/2" (22-23 cm) in length.' "

Jimi Hendrix. "Rock's premier psychedelic guitarist was hung like a bull. Scores of groupies spread the word that his cock was `damn near as big as his guitar.' "

Tom Jones. "Loyal fans fight for front-row tickets to get a glimpse of that legendary bulge in his peter-pinching tights."

Miscellaneous
Mikhail Baryshnikov. " `A thick 91/2 " of Russian salami,' claims a former paramour."

Tom Brokaw. "I estimate his broadcast abilities to be a 9+."

Lyndon Baines Johnson. "Horsemen might be interested in knowing that LBJ may have had the crown champion of presidential cocks."

David Letterman. "The popular host of late-night television has been reported to sport an impressive penis in the 9" (22 cm) range."

Dan Rather. "He is as hung as he is handsome and intelligent."

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